1. Labels, labels, labels. Remember: if it didn't come from Ralph Lauren, Eddie Bauer, The Gap, or Abercrombie and Fitch, IT'S NOT WORTHY OF YOUR PERFECT BODY, GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!!!
2. You must love Dave Matthew's Band, no exceptions.
3. At some point in your life, you have to have played soccer on a team voluntarilly and not as part of a PE class.
4. Your parents must have at least two cars, which must be either A. minivans or B. SUV's, or one of each. Acceptable colors are: green, maroon, black, and white. No other form of vehicle or color is permissable.
5. Your house must include at least one room that serves no real purpose, such as a computer room. As if your computer needs it's own room.
6. You must have a dog and a cat. It is acceptable to have two dogs, but not two cats. Deal with it.
7. If you are a female, your hair must be long and flippable and at least two days a week you must wear it up in a fancy ponytail variation, but never an actual plain ponytail unless you are running late for volleyball practice.
8. Shower 3 times a day.
9. You must own at least one pair of really expensive boots that you never wear.
10. Creativity is not an option. Remember, you are trying to BLEND IN as much as possible. If only cloning were legal...
11. Never, ever take sides on any kind of political issue except for in your own head.
12. Wear blush. This goes for you too, guys.
14. Always order a salad when out to lunch with friends. Bonus points if you don't finish.
15. Make sure you look down on people who are "sub par" in your opinion. Remember that you are superior and be sure to jam it down everyone else's throat as much as possible. After all, how else are they going to know exactly what you think?
16. Participate in school activities actively and loudly...even if you graduated years ago.